well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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