so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
