in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
