I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
