hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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