I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
