It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
