Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
