we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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