Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
