I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm getting married
To pizza
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
