you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
