even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
