Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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