You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
