shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize