I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
