There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
