My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
