I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
