Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
