I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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