You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
