I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
