Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
