I am in a vortex of obligation.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
