she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
