Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm bleeding and have questions
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
