I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Randomize
