dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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