Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
