cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
