we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
