He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
