My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
