I want you more than these girls want KFC
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
MIDGETS
????
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
