i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
