I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
