Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
