To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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