5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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