im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Watching her eat just hurts me
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
