She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
my being single is dangerous.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Randomize
