Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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