i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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