This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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