cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My dick has a subreddit
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
