As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Randomize
