Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
