I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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