So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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