I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
