So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
